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August 2005 ETC Corner
Eternity
By: By: Theresa V. Wilson
What happens when people die? Helping Your Child Understand Eternity
Several major tragedies have taken place around the world the last few years creating agonizing responses from traumatized children. One of the most tragic and highly publicized to date was the number of children and families who died during the Tsunami natural disaster. Its impact left many youth with questions about what happens when people die. At the point of death children may ask you "where did they go?" "Will we see them again?" "Why did God take them?"
Though we may not always have immediate answers to the above, the time to discuss eternity with your children is now, not as part of a "after it happens" troubleshooting strategy. Heaven and eternity or hell and eternity are realities for Christians and should be a part of lifestyle discussions that are no different than an understanding that we go to church to worship and try to do good at all times.
Understanding Heaven's "eternity" and Hell's eternity
Begin discussions about heaven and eternity with definition clarification. Describe heaven in terms they will understand (a place where those who believe in Jesus live). Help them to understand that eternity or eternal means without an end, forever, always, or with no limit.
A good explanation of heaven, where God lives, and hell, where the devil lives, begins with clarity of good and bad behaviors when the person is not sorry for what they've done. Teaching "fire and brimstone" is not a helpful course of action to follow for correction or explanation. Help your children understand that, when people deliberately do wrong and hurtful things to others and are not sorry for their behavior, they will not go to heaven.
Emphasis on repentance (being sincerely apologetic, changing behaviors, and being determined to do good things) is important to your explanation of where people go when they die. It is acceptable to tell your child that bad people will go to the bad place called hell when they die, but you must be clear in your use and definition of the word bad by giving them understanding that God does accept apologies and changed hearts toward Him to do good.
There are many descriptions of heaven and hell in the Bible, which should be referenced when speaking with your children (being mindful of their ages in your discussions). Children will understand your descriptions of beautiful waterfalls and large pools where they can splash and play with the Lord and smell flowers and hear music and angels singing happy songs. They will understand when you tell them that the day they see Jesus, it is possible they will see their dog or other children they know who have died. Give them the picture of heaven the way God gave it to us. Do it in full confidence that it is so.
No one knows what level of opportunity for salvation the Lord provides a young person before death. Depending on his/her age, there is a "window" of grace. If they died before allowed or encouraged to hear the good news of the gospel and they were not of the age to learn about the Lord for themselves, we must believe they were not condemned to eternity in hell. For those who have heard the Word of God and understand what it takes to be saved, but who do not believe in the Lord or who have belief in other gods, discussions with your children will lead them to the correct understanding that this means an eternity in hell. It is important that your children, who are of age to know the difference between right and wrong, understand the ramification of the choices they make will not only affect this life, but their eternal life (life after death).
Helpful Teaching Strategies and Points for Parents to Remember
Talk about God and heaven as soon as the child has an understanding of language. It can easily become a part of story hour. For infants, singing spiritual lullabies is never out of order. Some parents have been known to play spiritual music during pregnancy--especially songs that mention the name of Jesus.
Affirm to your children that there is a place, after death, for those who believe in Jesus (eternity in heaven) and a place for those who do not believe (eternity in hell) and that these are real places. Emphasize to your child that the Lord Jesus wants everyone to be with Him.
Begin all discussions about heaven and eternity using the Bible as your reference: Psalm 14:2, Ecclesiastes 5:2; Matthew 6:9; Luke 11:2; John 1:51; 1 John 3:13; and John 14:2; Colossians 1:5; 2 Corinthians 5:1. Read scripture and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you in what to say to your child.
Keep gloom and doom out of your language and expression. No different than you would be when correcting them when they have done something wrong, approach the discussion of heaven's eternity and hell's eternity as a matter of the choice between what is good for them that will do them harm.
Make your children aware that there are times when situations will occur and people will die for what seems no reason, but they must be comforted in God's nearness and love of them through it all.
Always encourage them to have their own "little talk with Jesus," asking questions ----telling him all about how they feel-and expecting answers.
Christian Grief Support Reading Resources for Children and Teens
The 10th Good Thing About Barney, by Judith Viorst (Ages 4-8)
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, by Leo F. Buscaglia (Ages 4-6)
Anna's Corn, by Barbara Santucci
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonic and Robert Ingpen (Ages 4-8)
Everett Anderson's Goodbye, by Lucille Clifton (Ages 5-12)
Where Is God When It Hurts, by Phillip Yancey, Family Life 1-800-358-6329
Sad Isn't Bad: A Good-Grief Guidebook for Kid Dealing with Loss, by Michaelene Mundy (All Ages)
Getting Through Grief, by Ronald H. Sunderland
35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child, The Dougy Center for the Grieving Child
Children Grieve, Too: Helping Children Cope with Grief, by Joy Johnson and Marvin Johnson
Someone I love Died by Christine Harder Tangval, Focus on the Family 1-800-231-6459
Eat Better
What Will You Do With All the Money You Save On Groceries?
Here's some advice from Ellie Kay, author of the Eating Well for Less article in the August edition of P31 Woman:
Finding A Target - There's an old saying in Texas, "If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time." It's important to have a family meeting and decide what you'll do with your savings. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Immediate Savings - You might want to write a check to a special savings account for the amount you are saving in the store. That way, it won't get absorbed back into the family spending.
Pay Down Debt - Why not take the $20 you saved this week and immediately write another check to your credit card company to start paying down your debt? Every time you pay more than your minimum, you improve your FICO score (or credit rating). Families are becoming debt-free by channeling their savings toward this area.
Cash for Cars - Other families have set up a goal of paying cash for a second car. They diligently put the "saved" money aside and within a year they're able to buy a vehicle - debt-free.
Dream Vacations - Some families put their money into a dream vacation account for a trip to Hawaii, Europe, or a theme park - with no accumulated debt.
Missions - In Malachi 3:10, we are told to bring our "whole tithe" into the storehouse (our church), but what if you want to give above and beyond the tithe? You might consider adopting a third world child through WorldVision.org or Compassion.com, two excellent organizations that bring food, clothing, housing, education, and the Good News to children around the world.
Organized Inspiration
by Jeanne Zornes
Need some help organizing yourself? Resources abound your local library and on the Internet.
For motivation to cull clutter, check books by Don Aslett (like Clutter's Last Stand, Writer's Digest Books) or Sandra Felton (The Messies series, all Revell; website: www.messies.com).
For general household organization, books by Emilie Barnes such as Survival for Busy Women (Harvest).
For "before" and "after" inspiration, see photos at www.organizingpro.com, site for consultant Marcia Ramsland.
For cleanup pep talks and quick tips: www.FlyLady.net. "Fly" is motivational author Marla Cilley's acrostic for "Finally Loving Yourself."
Another fun site: www.MommaSaid.net. Check tips under "One of These Days."
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