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February 2005 ETC Corner
Affordable Gifts - Jar Mixes
By: Rachel Olsen, Speaker Team Member
Nothing says "Thinking of You" like a homemade gift from your kitchen. In this twist on that notion, you prepare jar mixes to give as gifts. Your recipients can make something hot and homemade in their kitchens, with the ingredients and love from yours.
Mason jars can be used for these mixes - just cut a round of fabric, cover the utilitarian-looking top of the mason jar and tie it in place with a piece of ribbon. Also, decorative but inexpensive glass or plastic jars can be found at discount stores such as Wal-Mart. The only requirement is that the container be airtight. Remember, the container itself can be a gift to the recipient once the mix is used.
Friendship Tea (or Russian Tea)
Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and mix well with a wire whisk:
1 cup orange drink mix (such as Tang)
1 cup sugar
2 tbsp instant tea mix (such as Lipton)
¼ cup and 2 tbsp lemon flavored instant tea mix
½ tsp. ground cinnamon
½ tsp. ground cloves
Attach a label to jar that reads: Stir 3 teaspoons of mix into one cup of boiling water.
Sand Art Brownies
Layer ingredients in a 1 quart canning jar in the following order, tapping to settle:
1 tsp salt
½ cup and 2 tbsp flour
2/3 cup brown sugar (pack it down)
½ cup flour
1/3 cup unsweetened coco
2/3 cup sugar
¼ cup chopped walnuts
½ cup semi sweet chocolate chips
½ cup white chocolate or vanilla chips
Attach a label that reads: Combine contents with 1 tsp vanilla extract, 2/3 cup of oil and 3 eggs. Pour into greased 8 x 8 pan and bake at 350 degrees for 30-33 minutes.
Homemade Soup Mix
In a mason jar, layer the following ingredients in the order listed:
1/3 cup beef bouillon granules
1/4 cup dehydrated onion flakes
1/2 cup split peas
1/2 cup ABC or small shell macaroni
1/4 cup barley
1/2 cup lentils
1/3 cup non-instant white rice
tricolor spiral pasta to fill
Attach a label that reads: Brown 1 lb of ground beef in olive oil. Remove the spiral pasta from top of jar and set aside. In a large pot, combine the rest of the jar with 12 cups of water and the cooked ground beef. Bring to a boil and simmer 45 minutes. Add the spiral pasta and simmer 15 minutes more. Serve with salad.
Tips for Dealing with Your Strong-Willed Child
By: Van Walton, Speaker Team Member
P.R.A.I.S.E. God for the strong-willed child, He has given you as a blessing from Him. Life with this child will never be boring. There will always be adventure built into every day! This is a child who wants to make decisions. (S)he will grow up to lead and make choices that will affect others' lives. In the hands of a Godly mother the strong-willed child will learn God's ways. We would all agree that the world desperately needs Godly men and women who aren't afraid to lead.
Pray daily for yourself and your child. God knew what He was doing when He handed your baby to you. Ask God for wisdom, strength, and endurance. Ask for protection. One way or another your child will be a leader. Pray that your Christian walk will be a transparent and credible one, one that your child will admire, respect and emulate.
Pray with your child. Pray at all times. Never let a day go by without bringing it to a close in conversation with each other and your heavenly Father. Get on your child's bed and talk about the day. Model a prayer using the ACTS guideline. You praise God and then let your child do the same. Then you confess your sins and, when finished, tell God that your child has some confessions to make. Let your child speak to God. Thank God, especially tell Him how grateful you are for your child because of his qualities. List and name your child's attributes and then ask God to hear your child's words of appreciation. Tell God that the two of you are going to pray for people you know and then take turns praying for friends, neighbors and family. Finally pray for yourselves. Intimate evening prayer is an activity that will take you into the teenage years and if never broken will be the most special memory you will ever construct. Don't miss it!
Remember that God gave this child to you and He has a purpose for both of you to grow closer to Him and develop deeper Christian character. Your role as a mother is to be a leader for your child. He is totally dependant on you for his well being and future success. Be strong yourself. Set guidelines and stick to them. Confidence and trust are built where there are clear and consistent boundaries in the home environment. Remember that the work you do when your child is young will pay off when he is older. As he grows up he will want more and more independence. Good teenagers learned obedience at an early age.
Allow opportunities for her to exert herself. Be firm and consistent in the areas where you must be the final answer and do not give in. Pick and choose your battles. Try to say "yes" often. Responses that promote communication and patience are, "Yes you may, but later when…" "Would you let mommy think about it?" "Why do you want to do this?" "That sounds like a good (fun, adventurous, interesting, etc.) idea. Can I ask some questions first?" Learn to anticipate where your major battles erupt and discuss the potentially volatile circumstances before the problem occurs. For example before going to the grocery store remind, "You may choose one cereal and one snack. We will do your shopping first." This shows respect and trust in your child's decision. Remind your child that there are never purchases in the check-out lane. If that is where she wants to go first to pick her snack or treat then do that first. A church service is often a place where a child chooses to assert herself. Bring along activities and take a bathroom break immediately before worship begins. If children can sit in school for an entire hour they can do so for a church service.
"No" means no. Once you have said "no," do not make it a practice of backing down. That is why it is very important to weigh your "no's" and say "yes" often.
Tell stories about strong-willed people and ask questions about their character, behavior, choices, affect on others, and appearance before God. Point out strong-willed people doing good and talk about it. Then point out strong-willed people making bad choices and discuss it.
Don't forget to be loving, gentle, patient, and consistent.
Instruct him in God's ways. Daily prayer, devotionals, good reading and viewing materials all are tools that can be used to bring children up in the way they should go. Look around you and encourage your child to become aware of God's creation. Be willing to give praise to God when an opportunity presents itself. Be a model for your child. He will imitate your relationship with Jesus. Introduce your child to Christian activities like choir, dramatic productions, church sports leagues, AWANA…
A child who knows the ways of God is more likely to make good decisions.
Select circumstances where your child can be a leader in the family. Questions you can ask are, "Can you give me directions to the store? What should we do today? Go to the park, library, movie rental store, or shop…How would you like to organize your room? You tell me and I will help you. When should we walk the dog? You set the timer, OK? What would Daddy like for dinner?"
Following through with your child's ideas are huge confidence builders which begin your child's march toward knowing how to make good decisions. If she doesn't choose well, tenderly question her, offering other solutions. Be willing to back off so they can learn from mistakes. Failure is a good teacher. Of course only allow failure in non, life- threatening circumstances. You always want your child to be safe and respectful.
Endear yourself to him. Love, hug, affirm, encourage, play, smile and laugh. Create fun in everyday activities. Stop at the park while running boring errands. Grab a milk shake on the way home from school. Make chores fun and rewarding. The strong-willed child does not want to be told what to do, so ask for help and be willing to work along side him.
Yes! You have a strong-willed child. Praise God, and praise your child!
Van is a member of the Proverbs 31 Speaker team. Her parenting topics include SECRETS WOVEN IN THE ROBE and PURSUING AND POSSESSING YOUR CHILD'S PERSONALITY.
Finding Joy in Your Strong Willed Child
By Sheila Wilder
Very few people understand the challenge of a strong willed child. These children seem to come in to the world determined to challenge you on every point. They can sap your energy and have you on edge within fifteen minutes of getting out of bed in the morning. They are feisty, determined, and unnerving. The biggest challenge I have encountered with my strong willed child is the strength and energy to purpose to like her. Loving her is never in question, but liking her takes some persistence on my part.
That sounds terrible doesn't it? How pitiful that you would have to make it a point to like your child. But mothers of strong willed children are nodding their heads and some are relieved to find out that they are not alone. When you are constantly being pushed to the edge, dislike is a normal reaction. At times, we may be unaware or unwilling (for kind reasons) to admit that we just don't like being around this child. If we are not careful, we can unwittingly let those feelings of dislike dominate our relationship.
It takes more energy and determination to find joy in your relationship with your strong willed child than it does to operate in the norm. You must persevere; however, because the rewards you will reap from this persistence are immeasurable and invaluable.
So what can you do to find joy in your strong willed child?
1. Look at the unique and special purpose God has planned for your child.
These kids are the Joshuas and Calebs of the world (Numbers 14). They can stand alone. And when God chooses to use them for His purpose; they are the Noahs (Genesis 6). They have awesome tenacity; pursuing and fighting for a God-given vision even when every shred of evidence should discourage them. You have a gem in your midst.
2. Look at the role your child plays in your family and how God uses them to shape and mold you and others in your family.
My daughter's personality is forcing her compliant younger brother to develop some assertiveness that he would not have developed this early on his own. It will serve him well. Likewise, my daughter's unique personality has forced me to grow closer to the Lord. Lisa Welchel stated my experience so well when she reflected on her son: "raising Tucker has taught me more about stepping outside the box, being non-judgmental and longsuffering, controlling my anger, throwing myself on the Lord, and listening to that still small voice than anything else I've done in my life."1 These kids can change us for the better if we will continually fall on the Lord (1 Chronicles 16:11).
3. Carefully consider how your own parenting style plays into your feelings toward your strong willed child.
I have learned that if the issue is not safety, modesty, or obedience; it need not be an issue. Sometimes that means dealing with things inside of me that make unimportant things an issue. I have learned that it was my pride that made going to the store with my daughter dressed in polka dots and stripes an issue (after all, who wants to be seen out in public with a child dressed like that!) Look carefully at the root cause of some of your issues. Can any of them be put to rest? (Philippians 2:3-4)
Cynthia Ulrich Tobias wrote a book, You Can't Make Me…But I Can Be Persuaded, about dealing with strong willed children that has helped me tremendously. Don't let the title fool you, it is not a book about cajoling your child into behaving. It is about the parent being in control and removing opportunities for resistance to your parenting style.
4. Make a commitment to pursue a joyful relationship with your strong willed child.
Try to always focus on the positive while in the midst of disciplining the negative. Make a list of your child's positive qualities and reflect on them daily during your prayer time (Philippians 4:8). Make it a point to connect with your strong willed child. They act like they don't want or need our acceptance, but in truth they have a strong need for a deep connection with us. It takes resolve, determination, and grace; but you must commit yourself to actively seeking an enjoyable relationship with your strong willed child. It will be worth everything you have, and everything you are. After all, that is all He asks of us (Luke 9:23)!
"Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose." - Philippians 2:2
1 Courtney, Camerin. "The Real Facts - and Fun! - of Life." Today's Christian Woman May/June 2004: 44.
Feeling Alone
By: Rachel Olsen, Speaker Team Member
As we go through life, we all experiences times of feeling lonely. Sometimes we even feel alone in the midst of a large crowd. Are any of these situations familiar to you?
Being the new girl in school.
Being the only one of your friends to not make the team.
Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
Being the first of your friends to have babies - and no social life.
Being the only one of your friends not to have babies.
Being new to town, new to the neighborhood, or new to the church.
Having a spouse on the road - or the battle field.
Having a child with disabilities.
Feeling misunderstood.
Feeling different.
Marital Trouble.
Divorce.
Empty Nesting.
Retirement.
Terminal illness.
Death of a loved one.
Loneliness is often a desert-like experience. Our first reaction to feeling alone is usually sadness. Additional reactions may be fear, self-doubt, anger towards God, or full-fledged depression. Loneliness is a dry, barren place no one likes to frequent. Yet many of us find ourselves there repeatedly.
While we have limited control over whether we enter the desert of loneliness, we have much control over our reaction to it. Time spent in the desert alone with God can actually be a season of strengthening and growth.
Author Cindi McMenamin writes in her book When Women Walk Alone: "I wonder, my friend, what would happen if you embraced that Stranger of Aloneness, seeing him not as the Stranger who has come to take something from you, but as the Blesser who has come to bestow on you something wonderful!" Perhaps we should not be concerned with finding the fastest way out of the desert, but with finding the most rewarding way through it.
What can we learn through our times of aloneness?
That God is strongest in our lives when we are the weakest (2 Cor. 12:9).
That Jesus sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24).
Just how Jesus felt (Isa. 53:3).
That He will never leave us or forsake us (Heb. 13:5).
That God comforts us, and prepares us to comfort others
(2 Cor. 1:3-4).
That we are becoming perfected and complete (James 1:2-3).
That His ways are not always for us to understand (Isa. 55:9), but they can be trusted (Jer. 29:11).
That we can be content no matter our current circumstances (Phil. 4:12-13).
The woman who has learned these truths, walking in the heat of the desert with her Lord, will be stronger and more fruitful than the woman who flees the desert each time she feels its dry heat on her cheek.
When you notice the cool breeze of togetherness has faded, do not despair. When you look and find the green grass on which you had been walking is turning to dust and to sand, do not fear. When you feel the heat of the Son intensifying, rejoice. You just may be receiving a great invitation to "Come Higher." Call out to Jesus, He'll be right there. Embrace the lessons and blessings He has for you as you spend time together in your season of aloneness.
Rachel is a member of the Proverbs 31 Speaker Team. Her women's retreat topics include FEARLESSLY FREE and LIVING WATERS.
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