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Appreciating Your Differences
by  Paula Friedrichsen

Angela holds the avocado-green blender close to her chest while padding softly through the living room. She glances cautiously up the stairs as she passes, making sure Eric is still in the shower. Ever so quietly, she tiptoes through the living room and noiselessly eases the garage door open. Once in the garage she silently lifts the lid of the garbage can and softly sets the thirty-five-year-old "seen better days blender on top of the trash.

Next, Angela takes old newspapers from a nearby stack, wads them up, and sets them on top of the old blender. On top of the wadded newspapers she adds a cardboard pizza box containing a few crusts from last night's dinner.

There... that should do it.

Later that afternoon, Eric storms into the house.

Eric: Angela, why is this perfectly good blender in the trash?!

Angela: Eric, my parents bought us a beautiful new KitchenAid blender for Christmas - we don't need that one.

Eric: What if the new one breaks?

Angela: It won't.

Eric: But this blender is perfectly good - there's nothing wrong with it.

Angela: The glass is cracked, the blades are dull, it's thirty-five years old, and like I said, we have a new blender. And by the way, Eric, why do you insist on going through the trash?

Eric: Because you throw away perfectly good stuff!

With that, Eric tucks the antiquated blender under his arm and storms out to the garage, where he will store it in a box labeled Extra Appliances. The box also contains a dented chrome toaster, a Mr. Coffee coffeemaker that's missing its carafe, and a Crock-Pot with faulty wiring that he plans to repair soon.

When Eric and Angela were first dating, she referred to him as "my little pack rat." Now that they are married, she has resorted to sneaking things into the trash can in an effort to clear the house of his ever growing pile of junk. His inclination to "save" everything is no longer cute - but a catalyst for anger and irritation.

We've all heard the saying "opposites attract," but I've found that sometimes "opposites attack." The personality traits and adorable quirks that initially attracted you to your spouse can be the very qualities that are now driving you crazy.

So what's the solution for getting along with opposites?

The first solution: Appreciation

When you bring roses home from the florist shop the buds are shut up tight. But, after being exposed to a little natural sunlight in your home, they begin to open with glory. Appreciation is the warmth that will cause your spouses personality and true self to bloom. When was the last time you noticed out loud something your husband did right? I mean, come on there's always something positive to comment on.

The second solution: Respect.

Men deeply crave respect from their wives and must feel valued and important for who they are. Disapproval and disparaging remarks only shut your husband down, not change him. Worse, a lack of respect will cause your mate to retreat from you emotionally. Valuing the differences between you and your man will foster an attitude of gratitude, and help you to refocus on your husband's good points, instead of lingering on your grievances.

The third solution: Acceptance

Around our house we refer to my husband Jeff as "Felix Unger" (the neat one from that old show The Odd Couple). Sometimes as I do the dishes I can feel his eyes on my back... watching me. He watches me load the dishwasher and wants to give me a little instruction. He watches me wipe off the counters and would like to give me efficiency tips. He watches me put food scraps down the garbage disposal and can hardly refrain from offering suggestions.

And although his perfectionist personality has at times driven me crazy and caused occasional conflict around our house, I've come to deeply appreciate the fact that Jeff likes to vacuum, take out the trash, and generally make things neat. And if I don't take myself (or my husband) too seriously, then I can laugh at our differences and value my "Felix" for the stand-up guy he is.

Appreciation, Respect, and Acceptance; three solutions for getting along with opposites.

Excerpted from The Man You've Always Wanted is the One You Already Have (c) 2007 by Paula Friedrichsen. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc. Excerpt may not be reproduced without prior written consent.

Paula Friedrichsen is the author of The Man You Always Wanted is The One You Already Have (Multnomah 2007). She speaks at women's retreats and church conferences nationally and in Canada. Paula lives with her husband and teenage daughter in Northern California.  Find out more about Paula at www.PFMinistries.com